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Walking Free – Week Eleven

Values That Guide Walking Free

You can tell much about a person by what is important to him. What a man values will shape the choices he makes throughout his life. In Walking Free, core values guide us on the journey to becoming the men He created us to be. These values tell the story of our hearts and forever change the way we do life.

TRANSFORMATION

Real change happens from the inside out. The heart, not behavior, is our real target.

INTIMACY

Relationships are at the core of the change process.

AUTHENTICITY

We are only as free as we are honest and real.

OWNERSHIP

We accept responsibility for the choices we’ve made as well as the path we choose for our future.

HUMILITY

We bend our knee to the Father and His will for us. We also allow others to speak into our lives.

ENDURANCE

We walk this path of freedom with our eyes set on the One who loves us. He gives us the strength to persevere and not give up.

WORSHIP

In His presence, life is as it should be. We give ourselves to Him and He completes us.

HOPE

Freedom is possible. We can grow and make good choices every day.

– Troy Haas, First Steps

Trek – Week Eleven

Addiction distorts our reality. Instead of seeing things clearly, clients may minimize the impact of their behaviors on themselves and on others. Since all of their energy goes towards either pursuing their drug of choice or hiding their addiction from those they love, clients fail to realize how depleted they are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In the moment, clients cannot see what their addiction is costing them.

Now that clients are in a safe place and able to think more clearly, it is time to identify and acknowledge the consequences of their struggle with addiction…

An important part of recovery is being able to own what is theirs to own and recognizing what is not theirs to own. Blame-shifting or justifying addictive behavior is never helpful or productive.

–Trek Assignments

Journey – Week Eleven

In order to heal you must first have an awareness of how you are feeling and thinking internally. But recognizing and accepting your pain and anger and all of the other feelings going on inside of you is not enough. Healing comes through relationship—relationship with God and relationship with others. 

The problem is that not all “others” are safe people. To share your heart with some folks would be like inviting a psychopathic killer with a knife over for supper. With these kinds of people, the odds are that you are going to get hurt.

…As I think about my own journey, my experience has taught me that safe people:

  • Accept and love me unconditionally.
  • Are comfortable with grief. They don’t try to lighten the mood or distract me or do something to stop the tears. They offer a shoulder and they cry with me.
  • Don’t gossip about me or my husband.
  • Don’t try to fix my problem or offer solutions. They simply listen, encourage me, and pray.
  • Don’t need my love or approval to be okay. They can handle my angry outbursts and stormy emotions because they know who they are in Christ.
  • Are aware of their own brokenness. Humility and integrity are the hallmarks of their character.
  • Are more concerned about relating to me and loving me than about giving me advice.
  • Are sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. Only believers can be truly safe people.

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One

Walking Free – Week Ten

“The goal of Walking Free is … freedom – personal holiness built on personal relationships with God and others. Walking Free helps you deal with the root causes of sinful patterns in your life and points you in the direction of rightly relating to God and the people He has placed in your life. 

Even though freedom is more about our hearts than our habits, dealing with our behaviors is an important part of the freedom process.”

– Troy Haas, First Steps

What Type of People Choose a Christ-Centered Rehab?

Why are people drawn to a Christ-centered addiction treatment center over other types of inpatient and outpatient rehabs? Do only devoted Christians choose a Christian environment for help with their addiction?

In order to get to know our own participants in the Trek program at HopeQuest, I took a long look at the types of the people who join our program.  I was interested in their perspective on God and the church, as well as their relationship with Christ.

I was surprised at what I found.  You might be too.

Out of those I surveyed, I found four types of people who come to HopeQuest:

  • Those skeptical of Christianity and the church but willing to listen.
  • Those wounded by the church, church leaders, and other Christians.
  • Genuine followers of Christ who are alive but not free, dominated by addictive behaviors.
  • Christians who are trapped in a performance-based theology marked by legalism, religious tradition, self-effort, and masks.

At Trek we integrate a Christ-centered perspective with clinically-effective interventions to provide our clients addiction treatment in a safe spiritual community. People should not have to sacrifice one over the other. Whether you are a committed Christian or skeptical of the church and Christianity, our approach is not religious or preachy. It’s thoroughly biblical in its framework – integrated with profound yet practical clinical practices and genuine authenticity.

Why are people drawn to us?  They want a Christ-centered treatment option that takes the clinical seriously. They come because of the unique ways HopeQuest integrates those two. They come because they’re thirsty to be known for who they are – as they are.  Isn’t that what everyone wants in this world?

Isn’t that what you want?

We understand.  We’re right there with you.

No matter who you are, or how you come to consider us, there is one thing we want you to know above all – God is for you.

And we are too.

Trek – Week Ten

Many times problems in our clients’ lives are a direct result of how they learned to relate with ourselves and others in our families. Often they begin to realize that their families never talked about feelings – especially the hard ones. Maybe situations they grew up thinking were “normal” were really hurtful or unhealthy. Sometimes when they pause to remember, painful memories that we’ve tried to minimize or forget catch us by surprise.

In order for our clients to recover from their addiction, they have to understand the story behind it. And that story begins when they were a kid growing up in their families. We have all been influenced by those we grew up with. Our parents, our brothers, and our sisters have each had an impact on our lives. Their lives were also influenced by other people, situations and struggles.

–Trek Assignments

Journey – Week Ten

“Are there any emotions on the feeling wheel that you are afraid to feel? Think about that for a moment.

Are there any feelings that you believe are sinful? If so, why?

God is a God who feels. He created us to feel, and it is our capacity to feel that allows us to relate to Him and others. If you are not feeling, you are not relating. And if you are not relating, there is no hope of healing. Let’s take a look at God’s perspective on feelings.

“And not a creature exists that is concealed from His sight, but all things are open and exposed, naked and defenseless to the eyes of Him with Whom we have to do. Inasmuch then as we have a great High Priest Who has [already] ascended and passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession [of faith in Him]. For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good times for every need [appropriate help and welltimed help, coming just when we need it.]” – Hebrews 4:13-16 (AMP) 

…Did you notice that condemnation and anger weren’t on the list? When we come to Him just as we are, admitting what our feelings are humbly before Him, all He gives us is mercy and grace. Why? Because He understands us. He experienced it with us by allowing Himself to become a man. He knows. He understands. And He gives us everything we need to survive and even to thrive in the midst of great confusion, anger, and pain.”

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One

Walking Free – Week Nine

Some FAQ’s about the Walking Free Program:

 

WHAT ARE THE MEN IN WALKING FREE LIKE?

• They range in age from early 20s to mid-70s.

• They vary in race, marital status, economic and educational backgrounds.

• They are mostly, but not all, Christian.

• They desire to overcome sexual compulsions and behaviors.

• They do not condemn one another but instead encourage each other to live in freedom.

 

WHAT SHOULD I EXPECT FOR MY FIRST FEW WEEKS?

• A wide range of emotions: fear, shame, anger, hope, confusion, joy.

• The beginning of a journey to freedom.

• An environment of acceptance where others, who understand and have been there, remind you that you are loved and that there is hope for you.

 

WHAT IS BUILDING FOR FREEDOM?

Following your introduction to Walking Free in First Steps, you will be assigned to a Building for Freedom group. This group provides the foundation for your journey toward recovery, and includes discussion of core (false) beliefs that addicts share and our perceived needs. Bible study, prayer time, and journaling are vital components of the “Building for Freedom” study.

 

WHAT IS WALKING IN FREEDOM?

Upon completion of Building for Freedom, you will be assigned to a Walking in Freedom group. These are accountability groups where you will continue to (re)develop your relationship with God and establish relationships with the men in your group. Along with the Level 2 workbook, this support group will help you progress on your path to freedom.

– Troy Haas, First Steps

By Design: Reclaiming Sexuality

Hear from Dr. Juli Slattery and Jonathan Daugherty
Most Christians have difficulty making sense of sexuality. In addition to the obvious issues of pornography, sexual abuse, and changing sexual ethics within culture, many of us struggle to overcome sexual problems in marriage or to reconcile sexuality as a Christian single.
In this one-day conference for men and women, we will tackle foundational questions like “Why does God care about sexuality?” as well as very practical applications of what it looks like to honor God with our sexuality. Male or female, single or married, 18 or 80, this conference is for you. It will fundamentally challenge how you approach every sexual question of our time.

Saturday, October 13 for By Design: Reclaiming Sexuality, a one-day conference for men and women.

RiverStone Church
2005 Stilesboro Road
Kennesaw GA

Podcast #228: Intimacy After Infidelity

Troy and Melissa join Dr. Juli Slattery on her podcast…
Imagine the stress of being in ministry, a missionary on the mission field, while keeping your sexual sin a secret. (If we’re honest, whether we’re in ministry or not, many of us struggle to keep our sin, our trauma, or our past a secret.) That’s exactly where our Executive Director Troy & his wife Melissa Haas found themselves when Troy’s pornography addiction was exposed. Join Dr. Juli Slattery on this Java with Juli, Podcast #228, to hear how God met them, healed them, and restored intimacy in their marriage.

Trek – Week Nine

During a client’s time in Trek, they will complete many assignments. Every assignment they will be given has been strategically chosen to help them succeed in their recovery journey. Some of the assignments will be aimed at helping them understand the story behind their addiction. On-going journaling assignments will help them identify and acknowledge their feelings to themselves and others. Other assignments will be focused on helping them learn and practice healthy coping strategies as they prepare for life after Trek.

In Trek, there is no busy work. Every assignment benefits our client’s recovery, and the effort they put into their homework is an investment in their future life and relationships. We recognize that many of the assignments are challenging, and clients may find themselves avoiding doing some of the homework. Some of the reasons they may struggle with completing assignments are:

• Lack of motivation, apathy

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Difficulty concentrating or focusing

• Difficulty reading or comprehending information

• Not wanting to face pain or traumatic memories

• Feeling distrustful or afraid of being vulnerable with others

If clients find themselves avoiding their assignments, it is important to be honest with their counselor about the problem so that their counselor can help them explore the challenges they are facing. Clients can also seek encouragement and help from other clients, since everyone does the core assignments in each week’s homework.”

–Trek Assignments

Journey – Week Nine

“How are you feeling today? Does it drive you crazy when I ask you that? I remember my first counseling and group sessions. There, prominently displayed on the wall was this thing called “The Feeling Wheel.” And, of course, in stereotypical psychological fashion, somewhere in the beginning of every session was that same question for me.

“Melissa, how are you feeling today?”

The first time I tried to respectfully answer the question. The second time I rolled my eyes. The third time, I sighed audibly. What could identifying and naming my feelings possibly do to help my situation? Wasn’t it obvious how I was feeling? I mean, how would you feel if your husband had been repeatedly unfaithful for five years?

The problem was that over the years as I had endured verbal abuse and been manipulated by an expert liar, I was no longer aware of my feelings—especially the negative ones. I had learned that it wasn’t safe to be angry and somehow convinced myself in the process that anger was a sin. Therefore, admitting that I was angry about what Troy had done would make me a sinful person, and that was just something I couldn’t bear to do. I was already feeling somehow responsible for Troy’s sexual sin. If I’d only been thinner or sexier or better in bed. All of those feelings were based on lies I had come to believe, but the only way to dispel the deception was allow someone on the outside to hear my heart, empathize with me, and show me truth.

My counselor, fortunately, was a very determined lady. She listened carefully as I talked, quickly

pointing out feelings that were hiding behind my words. Gradually, I began to really feel again. And when I did, I discovered something truly amazing. Feelings—even the yucky ones—are a great gift from God. Feelings are the tools God gives us to show us when something is wrong and when things are okay. If I am aware of negative feelings, then I can deal with the problem that is causing them. If I cease to feel, then I cease to relate. And if I cease to relate, I am of no good to anyone.”

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One

Walking Free – Week Eight

“The incidence of sexual addiction is increasing at an alarming rate across the nation. Men are disconnecting from reality to pursue the illusion of love, acceptance and affirmation they find through pornography (in all of its forms), fantasy, anonymous sexual encounters, and affairs. The goals of Walking Free include eradicating life-dominating sin patterns, establishing guiding foundations of truth, and encouraging life-changing relationships of love and trust in the lives of group members. The group meets once a week and utilizes both large and small group settings for ministry.

Our purpose is to encourage and equip men to leave the false intimacy of sexual sin for genuine intimacy with Jesus Christ and others. We desire to see group members not only stop destructive sexual thought patterns and behaviors, but to also start relationships in which they can experience genuine intimacy.” 

– Troy Haas, First Steps

Trek – Week Eight

Real Life is a therapeutic group process which occurs every Monday through Friday in the Trek Program. All clients participate, and the group is facilitated by a counselor.

Real Life is a fantastic opportunity to practice articulating accurate and authentic emotional language and using the Trek communication tools.

Here are some additional communication tools that guide the Real Life process each day:

Making Amends: an effort to make a relationship right by taking ownership of a behavior or attitude that was offensive or hurtful to another

Giving Affirmation: giving validation to another’s behavior or attitude as being helpful or encouraging

Offering a Challenge: an effort to help others by inviting them to examine specific behaviors and attitudes that are inconsistent with recovery and community

Sharing Feelings: expressing specific feelings related to a circumstance, a person or an event in order to express, communicate and develop intimacy with others

Respecting Yourself and Others: stand up and keep hands by your side (open posture), strive to maintain eye contact, use the “I feel ______, about ______, because ______.” format

–Trek Orientation Module

Journey – Week Eight

“How does God feel about your pain? What is your perception of how He feels about you right now?

Let’s take a look at the Father’s heart for a few moments.

“Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is His name—the holy one of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness, I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord your Redeemer.” – Isaiah 54:4-8 (NIV) ”

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One

Walking Free – Week Seven

“AN OPPORTUNITY TO DISCOVER A PATH. 

There is no ‘quick fix’ for the choices you’ve made that have brought you here; however, there is a path to lasting change and freedom. Are you ready to begin a journey that will lead you to what you’ve been searching for?

• Freedom doesn’t come by doing certain steps but by walking down a particular path. Walking Free will give you a chance to discover what that path is and the tools you need to successfully travel it.

• Two important aspects of this journey are proper motivation and planned goals. If we are going to be free, we must know why we are here and we must know where we are going.

• Exploring our motivations for being here and where we want to go will be an important part of our work together as we step onto the path of freedom.”

– Troy Haas, First Steps

Trek – Week Seven

While in lectures and therapeutic group processes, our clients follow eight guidelines called Group Norms. They are good practice for any healthy communication.

  1. Limit distractions – no candy, gum, food, or drinks

  2. Actively participate – keep your chair and feet on the floor and face forward

  3. Be honest, authentic and real – focus on yourself and how you feel

  4. Respect others’ confidentiality – what’s talked about in group stays in the group

  5. Show consideration for others – don’t attack or demean character

  6. Raise your hand to speak or relate to others

  7. Promote open, vulnerable relationship – stand with hands by your side; remove hats and hoods

  8. Keep your conversations directed toward the entire group – no cross-talk

–Trek Orientation Module

Hear from Roy about Addiction’s Impact on Families…

Recently, our CEO and Founder Roy Blankenship appeared on a podcast for Divorce Team Radio to talk about sexual addiction and how it is impacting families today.  Here at HopeQuest, we know that behind every addiction is a story, and we know God is eager to write new chapters for those that struggle with this form of addiction.
Instructions:
  1. Click here: LISTEN NOW
  2. You will be directed to the Divorce Team Radio Podcast Page
  3. Find Podcast 12 titled “Understanding Sexual Addiction”
  4. Click the “View in iTunes” link
  5. iTunes will open
  6. Click play to listen to the podcast

 

Introducing the Trek:IOP Program!

Introducing the Trek:IOP…Continuing to minister to those struggling with addictions…
Built on the highly effective, nationally recognized HopeQuest model, the Trek:IOP (intensive outpatient program) was developed to utilize proven counseling methods integrated with Biblically based and Christ-centered principles leading to lasting change.
Intensive outpatient therapy consists of nine hours of group counseling and one hour of individual counseling each week. The program is 6 to 16 weeks in length dependent on need. All group sessions are held at night, allowing participants to maintain a job during the day while still being able to participate in a clinically effective and robust treatment program. All participants will work with their counselor to develop an individualized treatment plan based on their specific biological, psychological, social, and spiritual needs.
We believe a good treatment plan is holistic in nature, and no two treatment plans are the same. The goal of intensive outpatient therapy is to help those struggling with addiction develop tools to live happy and free. Much of what we do involves working on becoming reconnected with God, our family, and our future.
Trek:IOP is for those who have completed a short-term residential program and are looking to continue the next step their treatment or who are unable to attend a residential program due to vocational or family obligations.
TREK:IOP HIGHLIGHTS
  • A 6 to 16 week intensive out-patient treatment program on our beautiful 18 acre campus
  • Open to men 18 years and older
  • Weekly groups and individual counseling
  • Comprehensive assessment and evaluation process
  • Treatment provided for co-occurring disorders
  • Comprehensive continuing-care program available
  • Referrals to residential sober living transitional program available

Calling All HopeQuest Prayer Warriors…

HopeQuest Family of Supporters:

We are incredibly blessed to be surrounded by an army of God’s People who are rallying around us with prayer and financial support to bring healing to those caught in the struggle of addiction.

We wanted you to have some specific things you could be praying for us and our clients about every month. Currently we have a full house of 17 men and here are a some of their prayer requests: (Names have been changed to protect confidentiality)

Franklin
I am deeply concerned that I will break my wife’s heart when I do full disclosure. Frankly, I deserve the worst, but I am really, really afraid of hurting her heart.

Benjie
For the season of life after Trek, moving into a sober-living home. Not forgetting who Christ is and what He’s done for me on the cross.

Frank
Pray for strength physically and mentally each day going through the program as I continue to reconnect to God here.

Todd
That I trust God with all the major components of my life. In particular, that I can trust God with my marriage

Chase
Pray for RF Weekend coming up in June to prepare me and family’s hearts

Wayne
RF Weekend; Disclosure with my wife; my son who is struggling with not being able to talk to me. Keep a good attitude; Focus on God. Continue to learn what I need to learn.

Albert
Pray for my wife that her heart would continue to soften towards me. For my mother and father-in-law to accept their invite to RF and come RF weekend, that it is a powerful, redeeming time for my marriage

Randy
Me to lean into and trust God’s grace as I re-engage my life and circumstances back home. To reach out and be known as I bump up against my old patterns and new core beliefs.

Jason
My biggest fear is that my heart will soften towards my wife. Please pray for that to happen. I want to be madly in love with her.

 

PRAISES!

We also want to celebrate with you a couple huge answers to prayer God has been doing so far in 2018. He continues to bring us some incredibly talented and experienced staff who have all “hit the ground running” and allowed us to grow, including:

  • Richard Fryer – Clinical Therapist
  • Brent Baxley – Director of Facilities & Maintenance
  • Seth Harris – Admissions Coordinator
  • Jamarri Rollocks – Clinical & Medical Records Compliance
  • Steve Cummings – Director of Development

The second huge praise we have to let you know about it this: We have long been dreaming to open our own Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). Beginning June 4th we are launching the Trek IOP. This program is for those who have completed a short-term residential program and are looking to continue the next step their treatment or who are unable to attend a residential program due to vocational or family obligations. Read more about it here.

Thank you for the support you are to me, our staff and the clients God brings to us. We simply could not do this alone and we covet your prayers this month.
May God richly bless you!

Troy Haas
Executive Director

© 2018 HopeQuest

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