hopequest blog

Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit 2019

What if local church leaders could gather together to share insights, tools, and resources that would allow them to address sexual integrity in their own unique environments? What impact could that have on the Church as a whole?

Introducing the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit.

This collaborative, three-day event will bring together experts in the field with those who are ministering to the hurting body of Christ. Gain Biblical wisdom, practical tools, and clear next steps to lead others toward sexual wholeness. Join us to move from feeling helpless to feeling hopeful.

Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit

May 2-4, 2019

Marietta, GA

Only $99 Through February 28th!

Here’s what a few attendees from our inaugural 2018 event had to say:

“It seemed like there were a lot of people and ministries that didn’t know each other existed, but it was amazing to see the contacts being made, and people realizing they don’t have to do it all alone.”

“Excellent speakers! Excitement over the growing unity and response to sexual issues in the Church.”

“The table group discussions were so diverse and eye-opening. Very helpful to get different perspectives and ideas for my own ministry.”

“The speakers were awesome, not only in their own proficiency, but in their ability to relate and their accessibility.”

“It helped having a pastor’s perspective. I thought it brought a good dose of realism to the talks. I appreciated his emphasis on taking time and working within a church’s particular culture.”

NOT A PASTOR, MINISTRY LEADER, OR COUNSELOR?

We want to help equip the people leading your faith community. Please consider forwarding this email to someone who should know about the event, or click here for other ways to share.


 

Walking Free – Week Fourteen

This week we’d like to suggest some resources that are helpful during Walking Free. More resources are also available on our website at www.hopequestgroup.org/resources/recommended-readings/

Understanding Sexual Addiction

Breaking Free, Russell Willingham

Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, Mark Laaser

Men’s Secret Wars, Patrick Means

False Intimacy, Dr. Harry W. Schaumburg

Spiritual Growth and Formation

TrueFaced, by John Lynch, et al

The Pressure’s Off, Larry Crabb

Falling for God, Gary Moon

Shattered Dreams, Larry Crabb

Recovery and Healing

Tired of Trying to Measure Up, Jeff Van Vonderen

The Search for Significance, Robert S. McGee

Into Abba’s Arms, Sandra Wilson

The Wounded Heart, Dan Allender

From Bondage to Bonding, Nancy Groom

Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Web Resources

www.restorelife.us

www.pureintimacy.org

www.hopequestgroup.org

www.genesiscounseling.org

www.covenanteyes.com

By Design: Reclaiming Sexuality

Saturday, October 13
Hear from Dr. Juli Slattery and Jonathan Daugherty
Most Christians have difficulty making sense of sexuality. In addition to the obvious issues of pornography, sexual abuse, and changing sexual ethics within culture, many of us struggle to overcome sexual problems in marriage or to reconcile sexuality as a Christian single.
In this one-day conference for men and women, we will tackle foundational questions like “Why does God care about sexuality?” as well as very practical applications of what it looks like to honor God with our sexuality. Male or female, single or married, 18 or 80, this conference is for you. It will fundamentally challenge how you approach every sexual question of our time.

Saturday, October 13 for By Design: Reclaiming Sexuality, a one-day conference for men and women.

RiverStone Church
2005 Stilesboro Road
Kennesaw GA

Podcast #228: Intimacy After Infidelity

Troy and Melissa join Dr. Juli Slattery on her podcast…
Imagine the stress of being in ministry, a missionary on the mission field, while keeping your sexual sin a secret. (If we’re honest, whether we’re in ministry or not, many of us struggle to keep our sin, our trauma, or our past a secret.) That’s exactly where our Executive Director Troy & his wife Melissa Haas found themselves when Troy’s pornography addiction was exposed. Join Dr. Juli Slattery on this Java with Juli, Podcast #228, to hear how God met them, healed them, and restored intimacy in their marriage.
https://www.authenticintimacy.com/podcast

Trek – Week Eight

Real Life is a therapeutic group process which occurs every Monday through Friday in the Trek Program. All clients participate, and the group is facilitated by a counselor.

Real Life is a fantastic opportunity to practice articulating accurate and authentic emotional language and using the Trek communication tools.

Here are some additional communication tools that guide the Real Life process each day:

Making Amends: an effort to make a relationship right by taking ownership of a behavior or attitude that was offensive or hurtful to another

Giving Affirmation: giving validation to another’s behavior or attitude as being helpful or encouraging

Offering a Challenge: an effort to help others by inviting them to examine specific behaviors and attitudes that are inconsistent with recovery and community

Sharing Feelings: expressing specific feelings related to a circumstance, a person or an event in order to express, communicate and develop intimacy with others

Respecting Yourself and Others: stand up and keep hands by your side (open posture), strive to maintain eye contact, use the “I feel ______, about ______, because ______.” format

Trek Orientation Module

Trek – Week Seven

While in lectures and therapeutic group processes, our clients follow eight guidelines called Group Norms. They are good practice for any healthy communication.

  1. Limit distractions – no candy, gum, food, or drinks

  2. Actively participate – keep your chair and feet on the floor and face forward

  3. Be honest, authentic and real – focus on yourself and how you feel

  4. Respect others’ confidentiality – what’s talked about in group stays in the group

  5. Show consideration for others – don’t attack or demean character

  6. Raise your hand to speak or relate to others

  7. Promote open, vulnerable relationship – stand with hands by your side; remove hats and hoods

  8. Keep your conversations directed toward the entire group – no cross-talk

Trek Orientation Module

Hear from Roy about Addiction’s Impact on Families…

Recently, our CEO and Founder Roy Blankenship appeared on a podcast for Divorce Team Radio to talk about sexual addiction and how it is impacting families today.  Here at HopeQuest, we know that behind every addiction is a story, and we know God is eager to write new chapters for those that struggle with this form of addiction.
Instructions:
  1. Click here: LISTEN NOW
  2. You will be directed to the Divorce Team Radio Podcast Page
  3. Find Podcast 12 titled “Understanding Sexual Addiction”
  4. Click the “View in iTunes” link
  5. iTunes will open
  6. Click play to listen to the podcast

 

Introducing the Trek:IOP Program!

Introducing the Trek:IOP…Continuing to minister to those struggling with addictions…
Built on the highly effective, nationally recognized HopeQuest model, the Trek:IOP (intensive outpatient program) was developed to utilize proven counseling methods integrated with Biblically based and Christ-centered principles leading to lasting change.
Intensive outpatient therapy consists of nine hours of group counseling and one hour of individual counseling each week. The program is 6 to 16 weeks in length dependent on need. All group sessions are held at night, allowing participants to maintain a job during the day while still being able to participate in a clinically effective and robust treatment program. All participants will work with their counselor to develop an individualized treatment plan based on their specific biological, psychological, social, and spiritual needs.
We believe a good treatment plan is holistic in nature, and no two treatment plans are the same. The goal of intensive outpatient therapy is to help those struggling with addiction develop tools to live happy and free. Much of what we do involves working on becoming reconnected with God, our family, and our future.
Trek:IOP is for those who have completed a short-term residential program and are looking to continue the next step their treatment or who are unable to attend a residential program due to vocational or family obligations.
TREK:IOP HIGHLIGHTS
  • A 6 to 16 week intensive out-patient treatment program on our beautiful 18 acre campus
  • Open to men 18 years and older
  • Weekly groups and individual counseling
  • Comprehensive assessment and evaluation process
  • Treatment provided for co-occurring disorders
  • Comprehensive continuing-care program available
  • Referrals to residential sober living transitional program available

Meet Our Friends and Partners from Recent AACC Conference

Friends and Partners at AACC…  
Meet Undone Redone and Covenant Eyes…

Every two years, HopeQuest has the privilege of playing a part at the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN. With over 7500 counselors and pastors in attendance, it is an incredible opportunity to share what we do as well as build relationships with our current partners as well as new ones.

This year we were reminded again that we live in a culture that aggressively pursues the hearts of people to distort what God created for good. Whether it is through sex trafficking, pornography, serial affairs, or widespread promiscuity to name a few, the attack on the body, hearts, and minds is relentless.

While there, our executive director, Troy Haas and his wife Melissa were able to have Facebook live posts with a couple of our partners who are fighting the same fight.

Undoneredone.com is the story of a couple that divorced over sexual addiction and was remarried six years later! Troy and Melissa caught up with them at AACC for a quick facebook live interview.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE UNDONE REDONE FACEBOOK LIVE INTERVIEW
One of the premier and cutting-edge resources available to individuals and families today is Covenant Eyes. Troy and Melissa caught up with Sam Black, regional VP for Covenant Eyes, for another facebook live interview.
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE COVENANT EYES FACEBOOK LIVE INTERVIEW
We are proud to be partners with American Association of Christian Counselors, and to be teaming up with them and others in our fight against substance and sexual addictions.

National Recovery Month… Helping Raise Awareness of the Need for Effective Care…

Every September, SAMHSA sponsors Recovery Month to increase awareness and understanding of mental and substance use disorders and celebrate the people who recover. This year’s theme is Join the Voices for Recovery: Strengthen Families and Communities. The 2017 theme highlights the value of family and community support throughout recovery and invites individuals in recovery and their family members to share their personal stories and successes in order to encourage others.

Our mission is to help individuals and families impacted by addiction to experience freedom, hope, and life. What makes HopeQuest different? Through a clinically-effective and Christ-centered approach, many people like you are finding the hope and help they need – many for the very first time. With a peaceful, home-like setting, we offer affordable long-term treatment with a relationally-driven approach focusing on core issues. Whether you or someone you love is struggling with alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction or some other life-dominating behavior, we offer professional help in the context of safe spiritual community.

To learn more about HopeQuest and how we serve clients and their families, check out our website at www.hopequestgroup.org or call our main office at 678-391-5950 and ask to speak to our Director of Admissions, Emily Woodfin.

CLICK HERE to go to the National Recovery Month Website
Thank you for being a part of Recovery Month!

Sexual Addiction Curriculum Available!

 

Walking Free/Journey Support Group Materials

We have affordable small group resources that give men and spouses a path towards freedom from sexual addiction.
Building for Freedom is for men pursuing honest and authentic relationships with Jesus Christ and other believers through personal study and group support. Designed to engage men both spiritually and practically, this 15-week interactive study addresses the challenges of sexual integrity in profound and life-changing ways.
Journey is written for spouses of sexually broken men. Journey can be done alone, with a therapist, or as a part of a Journey support group. Journey groups are a 10-week counseling and support group for women facing betrayal and loss. Using the Journey workbook, women will work through topics such as “Angry – but not Stuck”; “Admitting Fears”; “Setting Limits”; and ‘”Trusting Wisely”.
Leadership Kits are also available to those that desire to start Walking Free or Journey Groups through their church.  For more information on materials or starting a group in your church, please reach out to Gant Garner. Gant will be able to offer direction and support when it comes to starting groups or purchasing materials. Call our main office at (678) 391-5950, or email Gant directly at gant.garner@hopequestgroup.org

How to Successfully Talk about your Feelings

Today I wanted to share a really helpful tip for communication. This is straight out of our client curriculum- but it is truly a great life skill for everyone to use.  Being clear about how you feel and why (both in good and bad situations) is vital to healthy relationships.
To help others better understand you; follow this format when communicating your feelings.

•I feel____________________________(feeling word)

•About____________________________(situation)
•Because__________________________(reason)
“I” statements have the capacity to communicate what is going on with you and therefore trigger care and concern [for you] within your relational partner’s heart. “You” statements have the capacity to trigger defensive posturing with your relational partner.
Some things to avoid when conversing about your feelings:
– Saying “I feel like,” or “I feel that.” These statements express a thought or belief, not a feeling.- Saying “I don’t know” as a feeling word. Do not say “It doesn’t matter,” or “I don’t care.”

– Instead of “I am proud of you,” say “I feel proud about_______ because______.”  Specifics are more important than you may think!

– Using minimizers like “I feel a little angry” or “I felt kind of hurt.” Try to accurately label the feeling – if you have to use a less intense feeling word, do so.

– Do not talk at, preach to, or teach one another. This causes others to close off and not hear a word you say.

-Do not talk for others. Communicate your feelings and only yours. Keep the focus on yourself and how you feel.

If you stick to your feelings and truly express them, you will see how powerful this tool can be.  Remember feelings are necessary for relationships.

The Importance of Community

A crucial part of operating a nonprofit is our relationships with the local community.  Counselors, medical professionals, detox facilities, churches, care ministries, lawyers, and individuals with a heart to serve, to name a few.  Since we are located in Woodstock, Georgia, we are blessed to be so close to the big city of Atlanta, which offers many opportunities to connect and partner with other organizations.  We get phone calls every day from hurting people, and we never want to hang up the phone without giving them another resource to find the help they and their loved ones need.
One of the strong focuses for HopeQuest in 2015 is to strengthen relationships with our local referral partners and community.  Some ways we do this is offering tours of our facility, making appointments to share HopeQuest with counselors and churches, and connecting with the resident recovery community.  We want to aid other organizations by offering our outpatient support groups, Journey and Walking Free, as well as make our inpatient program, Trek, readily available.  In saying this, I want to take a moment to extend this opportunity to you.  If you, or your company or church, is interested in partnering with us, or would like to have a conversation about resources that are available to you, please contact us.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers. God Bless!

Resource Review: Boundaries

For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Boundaries (When to say YES and when to say NO to take control of your life) by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

What is it about:  Christians often focus so much on being loving and giving that they forget their own limitations and neglect to create margins. This book will show you how to set healthy boundaries with your parents, spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and even yourself.  Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life.  Drs. Cloud and Townsend show you how to bring new health to your relationships. You’ll discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individual God created you to be.

Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we offer our clients this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration.  Having boundaries, especially healthy ones, is typically a completely foreign idea to our clients.  Learning about how to express yourself to others and set safe, healthy guidelines on your life is a necessity.  This book is a life changer!

Favorite idea:  “Boundaries define us.  They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to sense of ownership.  Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom; and taking responsibility for my life open up many different options.”

 

Boundaries

Resource Review: Telling Yourself the Truth

For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Telling Yourself the Truth by William Backus and Marie Chapian. *Winner of the Gold Book Award (500,000 copies sold) and Winner of the Gold Medallion Award (E.C.P.A.), which recognizes excellence in evangelical Christian literature.

What is it about:   Wrong thinking produces wrong emotions, wrong reactions, wrong behavior, and unhappiness! Learning to identify your thoughts and change them is the first step on the road to healthy thinking.  The authors explain what they call “Misbelief Therapy.”
Each chapter is broken down into categories of misbeliefs: anger, self-talk, depression, anxiety, lack of self-control, fear of change, and relationships with others.  The last chapter is also dissects common ideas that can dictate our decisions, like “In order to be happy I must be loved by everybody” or “I want it, therefore I should have it.”  These thoughts become beliefs that, if you let it, have the power to control your life!   Telling Yourself the Truthcan show you how to identify your own misbeliefs and replace them with the truth.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we offer this book to our clients because getting control of your thoughts, especially destructive ones, has great power to affect success in overcoming addiction.  Addiction stems from negative experiences, emotions, and thoughts, that become so powerful that they start causing actions and eventually, a belief system.  Taking responsibility for your life and choices and changing them is empowering for not just our clients, but anyone who reads this book!
Favorite idea:  “What you think and believe determines how you feel and what you do.  We hope you have decided you can change your emotions; you can be an adjusted and happy human being, no matter what you have experienced in your life and no matter what your circumstances are.  The question now is, do you reallywant to be happy?”

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Seven Desires

For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Seven Desires by Mark and Debbie Laaser.

What is it about: The authors focus on what they perceive are the 7 great needs of every human being:

1. To be heard and understood
2. To be affirmed
3. To be blessed
4. To be safe
5. To be touched
6. To be chosen
7. To be included
Using examples, Biblical references, and sound psychological principles, the Laasers explain each desire and show how they are sought and what it feels like to have those desires truly fulfilled. Also the authors show healthy ways to embody these desires in your relationships. This book gives the tools needed to start repairing and rebuilding relationships and developing new skills for creating emotional and spiritual intimacy.

Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we offer this book to our clients, whether or not they are in a marital relationship. The concepts apply to everyone’s heart, because God created us with these desires! His design is to show us how to be fulfilled in him first, then to give and receive from others.

Favorite idea: “God loves you, and he calls you into relationship with him. He has put the seven desires in your heart to show you how to have that relationship. As Psalm 37:4 puts it, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.’ When you know this, you can find healthy ways to get your desires met, and you can serve the desires of others.”

 

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Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain

Broken-Children

For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain by Paul Hegstrom.

What is it about:  Paul Hegstorm authors this book with honesty.  He openly shares in the first chapter about some of the brokenness in his childhood and how that affected many areas of his life, continuing into adulthood.  Using personal examples, psychological studies, and biblical principles, he shares practical and proven methods for facing and dealing with the pain of the past.  There is healing, when we are finally free to pursue authentic relationships and build healthy emotional intimacy with others. The book goes chapter by chapter, addressing stages of life and how to make healthy decisions, despite what may have happened in the past.

Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we ask the clients to read this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration.  Many times the root of an addiction comes from some kind of brokenness in childhood.  Despair, emotional isolation, abuse, neglect, and self-loathing are just some of the damaging fragments that remain embedded within our souls when we are broken as children. The memory of the past may seem distant and clouded, but scars remain that continue to inflict pain upon our adult lives-and often end up spilling into the lives of others.  This book is often the first step in healing the past for our clients.

Favorite idea:  “When we begin to uncover the truth about ourselves, we can start asking real questions about what we need in our lives.  We can learn to talk about what we want and need.  Everyone communicates differently, and each of us will discover the right method of expressing our needs to those we love.  We must take courageous steps to share what’s in our hearts and minds.  This is the beginning of the journey to wholeness.”

The Addictive Personality

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For this month’s resource recommendation, I read The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken.

What is it about:  This book helps people understand the process of addiction.  Author Craig Nakken goes beyond the more common dependencies (alcohol, drugs, sex) and uncovers the common denominator of all addiction and describes how the process is progressive.

Nakken sheds new light on:

  • Genetic factors tied to addiction
  • Cultural influences on addictive behaviors
  • The progressive nature of the disease
  • Steps to a successful recovery

The author examines how addictions start, how society pushes people toward addiction, and what happens inside those who become addicted.

Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we require clients to read this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration.  It helps those struggling with addiction understand more of the root of the problem, instead of just the side effects. This book will help anyone seeking a better understanding of the addictive process and its impact on our lives.

Favorite idea:  Recovery is not just about breaking off your relationship with an object or event, though vital to the process. Recovery is primarily about coming to know your addictive personality and taking the necessary steps to rid yourself of addictive attitudes, beliefs, values and behaviors. Nakken’s example – “People in a recovery program for alcohol addiction need to clearly understand that they are prone to form a possible addictive relationship with another object or event – such as food for example. For these people, sobriety acquires a new dimension; instead of only monitoring their relationship with alcohol, they also need to learn how to monitor the addictive part of themselves.”

Where Grace is in Place

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For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Families Where Grace Is In Place by Jeff VanVonderen.
What is it about:  Using his professional and personal experience, VanVonderen shows readers how to nurture God-honoring relationships free of manipulation, legalism, and shame. This book sends the message that God’s grace can transform these relationships. By discovering God’s plan for your life and following the example of His grace, you’ll learn the importance of controlling yourself so your family can be all that it can be.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, many of our clients come with family issues, involving many of the topics VanVonderen writes about: shame, guilt, manipulation, and legalism.  Family dynamics and influences are crucial in a child’s development and as an adult.  This book gave practical tips and real examples of how to change some of the family dynamics you may be experiencing or have experienced, for the better.
Favorite idea:  There is a letdown that comes from focusing too much on controlling other’s behaviors and attitudes.  When people spend their lives trying to “fix” their spouses and kids, the natural result is exhaustion, depression, and an overall sense of hopelessness.  The key is learning the difference between God’s job and ours.  God’s job is to fix, and our job is to rely on Him as we nurture and encourage our families.

Buy it here

True Faced

For this month’s resource recommendation, I read True Faced by John Lynch.

What is it about: TrueFaced is a book dissecting the idea that there are two underlying motives in Christianity: to please God or to trust Him (without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)). One results in striving to be good enough, fix your sin, “trying”, and it never feels like enough to please Him. The other results in a trust that changes your life, and leads to a path of God’s dreams and destiny for you.

Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, Truefaced is a part of our client library and is often read as a part of their journey to healing and restoration. It draws such clear word pictures about what Christianity is truly about. Lynch involves the reader by invoking questions and applying real life situations. It gives a refreshing meaning to the word “grace.”

Favorite idea: God’s final objective for us is not resolving our sin, or “getting well”, God resolved our sin through Jesus. It’s maturing us into who he says we are, and then releasing us into the dreams he designed for us before the world began. God’s dreams for us are the ultimate goal. So working on my sin issues WITH God (not on my own), maturing, and trusting who God says I am, leads to God’s dreams for me.

Watch it here

Buy it here