After a time of formal disclosure has taken place—usually one or two days after the meeting and a wife has had time to process what she has heard—she oftentimes is overwhelmed by a great host of questions that flood her mind, questions she forgot to ask or didn’t think to ask or was too afraid to ask during the disclosure session. A typical response to the anxiety and uncertainty she is feeling is for a wife to corner her husband (either kindly or angrily) and shower him with all of the questions in her heart.
Prepare yourself. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will.
If and when you experience such a time when something triggers all of those fears and doubts and questions, I want to encourage you to take a time out and process what you are feeling and thinking before you approach your husband.
I have found it to be helpful in my own journey if:
›I get away by myself to a place where I can focus and concentrate.
›I invite the Lord to join me in the painful process of fearing and doubting my husband’s integrity and love for me.
›I write down all my questions.
›I read each question and ask myself, “Why do I want to know that?”
›I cross out questions that are asking for more details about things I already know.
›I put a star by questions that seem to be valid concerns and need to be addressed.
›I call my counselor and/or friends from group and ask for feedback on the questions I have marked with a star.
›If others agree that they are valid questions, I plan a time with my husband to discuss them. (You may need to set up another counseling appointment if you have a significant number of questions or if you feel your husband has been dishonest in his initial disclosure.)
–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One
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