Kyla’s Story | Part One
My name is Kyla, and my husband, Bobby, completed HopeQuest’s residential treatment program in the summer of 2018. We have been married for 13 years, together for 16, and are blessed with three children. Both of us became believers before finishing high school, and we began dating shortly after I graduated. Over the years, we served together in missions, youth ministry, and worship leadership. From the outside, our lives appeared strong, but behind the scenes, our marriage was marked by significant struggles.
I first learned about Bobby’s struggle with sexual addiction just a few months into our relationship. At the time, he only shared a small part of the much bigger battle he was facing. He admitted that he struggled with lust and attraction toward other women. Even that partial disclosure was devastating. I felt betrayed, inadequate, confused, overwhelmed, lonely, and deeply wounded. I had no idea how to move forward.
During that first year, we were in a long-distance relationship while I was away at college. At my request, we spent countless hours on the phone as I asked hundreds of questions, trying to make sense of what had happened and communicate the depth of my pain. Looking back, this was when my codependency and hypervigilance began to take hold. Those patterns continued for years until we entered recovery.
I wanted to know every detail. I asked who he was attracted to, whether he spent time around those women, and tried to gather enough information to protect myself from being hurt again. As a young Christian woman, I had no idea that healthy boundaries and a personal safety plan were even options. Instead, I believed it was my responsibility to monitor, manage, and control the situation. That first year after his disclosure was incredibly difficult, and unfortunately, things became even more painful before they eventually began to change.
- Check back for Part Two of Kyla’s story.