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I have good news and bad news. I will start with the bad news first so we can end on a positive note. Stress is an inescapable part of life. Most days, something or someone is going to stress us out! Jesus expressed clearly that He wants us to have His peace, but He was also clear that troubles will come our way (John 16:33). So, let’s learn about managing stress without regrets.
Stress is an emotional strain or tension from outside circumstances or situations. For example, an unexpected bill comes in the mail. Stress occurs when a meaningful relationship in your life ends. Just listening to the news is enough to ruin anyone’s mood. Getting stuck in traffic is almost a given in any city of decent size, often making us late for important commitments. Stress. Our child has an accident at school and has to be rushed to the hospital. More stress. The list could go on and on.
We need to be keenly aware that stress can alter our mood, upset our digestive system, drain our energy, and too much exposure to stress can actually cause more physical damage to our bodies than many addictive behaviors. Partnering this kind of stress with addictive behaviors is a recipe for disaster! If we are overwhelmed with stress, then we are prone to experiencing heart issues, sleep disorders, memory and concentration impairment, and other physiological consequences.
We’re reminded at HopeQuest that our focus must remain on what we can control—our own actions and behavior. That is a gift God has given each of us. We have agency! We cannot completely avoid stress because stress comes from the world around us, from sources that are out of our control.
On the one hand, stress can motivate us toward action. Having a deadline can push us to produce. Setting a goal can remind us to stay disciplined when we don’t feel like it. Stress and exterior pressure can spur us out of complacent inaction in healthy doses. If experienced in healthy doses, stress can be that extra boost that inspires us to accomplish more than we ever imagined we were capable of.
On the other hand, we must be careful with managing our stress levels. If we are consistently exposed to high-stress levels, we are more susceptible to feeling anxious, helpless, overwhelmed, and trapped. The longer we allow ourselves to remain under stress, the more likely we are to desire relief from that pressure by turning to maladaptive coping mechanisms to find some form of solace, no matter how brief it may be. How do we manage stress without turning to addictive behaviors?
I think of the safety instructions before taking off on a flight. The crew explains if there is an emergency, we are to “take care of ourselves before taking care of others.” If we apathetically do nothing and ignore life’s stressors, then they tend to compound and get worse. Self-care is not doing nothing. Self-care is taking care of your body because, right now, it’s the only place you have to live. It is taking a break from the business of life and doing something relaxing. Self-care is intentionally taking time to engage in something that can produce emotions of joy, satisfaction, comfort, and fulfillment. It is important to recognize that Jesus loves us so much that He does not only desire to forgive us for our imperfections and failures as our Savior, but He also wants us to be blessed and experience happiness and fulfillment in this life.
Going to the gym 3-4 times a week could be the catalyst that breaks our habit of coping with a substance. Eating healthy foods and managing portion control will energize our bodies to function correctly when stress comes. Getting adequate sleep and staying on a consistent routine as often as possible can empower us not to be addicted to caffeine or unhealthy energy drinks. Those of us prone to being “workaholics” need to understand that the world will keep spinning if we put work aside momentarily and participate in a hobby we enjoy once or twice a week. Sabbath is actually a command God gave us, not just a suggestion (Exodus 20:8-11).
Givers need to understand the limits to their generosity because takers have no limits. Setting a boundary and sticking to it protects us from the regret and shame of acting out in reaction to stress. As one of our case managers at HopeQuest eloquently teaches: No is a complete sentence. Someone in your life may not like your boundaries, but we should be willing to disappoint someone’s unrealistic expectations before returning to a vice from which Jesus has set us free. We need to know our limits, and we need to put up guardrails to protect ourselves. That is a much healthier practice than getting as close as we can to the line of feeling overwhelmed, in such a way that leads us to compromise. People and circumstances will try to place undue stress on our lives, but boundaries help us express that their situation is not our emergency.
Stress will come and go. The good news is that if we intentionally take care of ourselves, set healthy boundaries, and adhere to those boundaries, the unavoidable stress we will experience in this life will only increase and strengthen our capacity to live life to the fullest. Stress management is possible in our broken world. With a good plan in place, we can maintain our recovery despite stressful situations.
