Journey – Week Thirty-Eight

This (blog post) we are going to examine the dynamics of disclosure. We are going to talk about how disclosure should take place, and what you should learn about your husband’s behavior during a time of disclosure. We will take a look at how disclosure affects us and our husbands differently and also talk about a tendency strugglers have in disclosing which I call the “dribble” method. (Eventually) we will discuss disclosing to family and friends. It is going to be full and probably painful (posts). Are you ready? 

Let’s start by talking about how and when disclosure should take place.

Every couple dealing with sexual addiction needs to have a formal time of disclosure with a third party in a safe environment. Let me say that again.

Anytime a husband has been struggling with sexual addiction, he and his wife need to have a time of disclosure that is:

1.Planned and

2.Mediated in a 

3.Safe Place.

A time of disclosure needs to be planned to allow both husband and wife to prepare emotionally and spiritually for a very difficult conversation. It needs to be mediated (preferably by your husband’s counselor) so that your husband can be held accountable to tell the whole truth and so that you can have someone there to validate your pain and feelings. Having a third party in the room also helps protect you from receiving too much information and helps prevent violent outbursts or other dangerous behavior. Disclosing in a neutral/safe place is wise because it protects you from painful associations and unintentional exposure while allowing both you and your husband to be on equal ground. 

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One