We experience fear on a spectrum.  On a scale from 1 to 10, we might go from feeling nervous about something — butterflies in our stomach — to feeling utterly terrified — peeing-your-pants kind of fear. Just like anger, fear can be a secondary … [Read more...]

I want you to hear me say that it makes sense why we have been so angry. Of course, we’re mad. And it’s time to deal with the hurts in the only way that can bring healing, change, and growth. We’ve got to face them — instead of trying to protect … [Read more...]

Let’s be honest. Hanging onto healthy and helpful expressions of anger when we are triggered can be really challenging — especially if we have grown accustomed to letting our anger control and define our behaviors. This is particularly true for … [Read more...]

"So how can we express anger in a way that is healthy and actually helpful in strengthening emotional intimacy?" Great question. ...We can define helpful anger as: Honest – I use an IFAB statement to express my anger (“I feel furious with you … [Read more...]

…And here is the tricky part. Because anger is always a secondary emotion meant to protect ourselves from hurt, it is often expressed in hurtful or intimidating ways to others. When others feel hurt or scared, they generally either try to calm us … [Read more...]