“So how can we express anger in a way that is healthy and actually helpful in strengthening emotional intimacy?”
…We can define helpful anger as:
Honest – I use an IFAB statement to express my anger (“I feel furious with you right now about your behavior because it was disrespectful and hurtful.”)
Kind – I do not use cutting or sarcastic remarks.
Responsible – I recognize that no one other than me has power over my emotions; others can’t “make” me angry.
Fair – I do not use humor to attack others (in public or in private).
Contained – I don’t get back at others or hurt others when I am angry. I trust God to deal with them.
Controlled – I invite God to help me manage the expression of my anger.
Interactive – I express my anger in safe relationships where it can be talked through and worked out.
Expressed – I deal with my anger by acknowledging it and expressing it appropriately instead of stuffing it or obsessing over resentments toward others.
Authentic – I express anger in order to repair relationships instead of to manipulate the emotions of others.
–Melissa Haas, Emotions 101