…And here is the tricky part. Because anger is always a secondary emotion meant to protect ourselves from hurt, it is often expressed in hurtful or intimidating ways to others. When others feel hurt or scared, they generally either try to calm us down, withdraw from us, become defensive, or get angry back. This can throw the relationship into a very negative cycle in which we are constantly reacting to each other’s anger instead of talking about the hurt and fears underneath it. Instead of fighting for emotional connection and intimacy, we end up fighting each other.
–Melissa Haas, Emotions 101