It’s important to know… that how we share our feelings can either promote emotional connection or sabotage it.
When we use “you” statements to communicate our feelings, the normal reaction other people have is to get defensive. They might get angry back, begin explaining what happened, minimize the problem, or tell the offended person that he/she is over-reacting. “You” statements trigger a person’s deepest fears — fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of worthlessness, etc.
So, “you” statements are out.
–Melissa Haas, Emotions 101