Secrecy Kills, Honesty Heals
The problem with secrets is that they only seem to protect us. We convince ourselves that hiding the truth is our only option. We fear we’ll be rejected, hurt, abandoned, or destroyed if others discover who we really are.
When it comes to our relationships with other people, some of those fears may have roots in reality. If you grew up with a physically abusive father, admitting a mistake may have put you in real danger. If you were sexually abused as a child or adolescent, silence may have felt like the only way to survive.
Fear took many forms. You may have feared no one would believe you. You may have feared your abuser would hurt you again. You may have believed the abuse was somehow your fault. You may have feared being rejected or labeled by others.
Those fears often don’t disappear with time. Instead, they continue to shape the way you respond to shame and vulnerability. As you try to quiet those fears and soothe the shame, you begin making choices that create even more fear.
You hide your pornography use or your unfaithfulness from your wife because you fear her rejection or contempt. One secret leads to another until your primary goal becomes keeping your struggle hidden from everyone around you.
In the process, you begin hiding from God as well, or at least you make the attempt.
– Troy Haas