In 2016, I began to work for a Christian counseling agency that specialized in working with couples and individuals who struggled with sex addiction and betrayal from their partner’s addiction. This is where recovery finally began for us. It was the first time we understood it as addiction. It was the first time I started identifying the lies that had kept me believing this was more “normal” guy behavior. It was where I learned I could set boundaries and needed a safety plan and needed to heal from the trauma I experienced from years of living in this dysfunction I thought was just normal marriage difficulties. I felt empowered and heard but scared and confused all at the same time. I was literally undoing and having to rewrite what my brain had learned to accommodate and accept over 14 years of marriage. To say it was hard is an understatement. It’s funny to think back about now because I truly thought we were ahead of the game because we at least talked about it and had some kind of plan for dealing with it. I thought we’d come for a little while and learn a few tips to help us out. So going into our own healing and recovery process, neither of us had any idea how much upheaval there would be and how we so desperately needed help.
The recovery process for both of us has been hard. It’s involved hard decisions and hard boundaries. Hard conversations with each other and friends and family. I struggled to stick to boundaries and to know how to be kind but firm. Bobby struggled to stop acting out and struggled with shame and feeling like a failure. I needed to heal from my own trauma, but also try to learn to navigate living with someone who had an addiction. We were a hot mess!
Click here to read Kyla’s first blog post: https://hopequestgroup.org/kylas-story-part-one/
Click here to read Kyla’s second blog post: https://hopequestgroup.org/kylas-story-part-two/
Look forward to more of Kyla’s story to come over this holiday season…