You might be thinking something like this right now: “Melissa, it would be different if I were grieving the death of my spouse. There is no shame in mourning a death. This is different, though. It is too embarrassing and humiliating to let others know I’m sad because my husband struggles with sexual addiction.”
I know. There is so much shame involved in sexual sin—whether you are the sinner or the one wounded by the sin. I would say to you that you don’t have to tell all the details of why you are grieving in order to be real with people. Pretending like nothing’s wrong, slapping on a fake smile and a plastic face is so offensive to the Father. Why participate in the same dishonesty that allowed your husband to slide deeper and deeper into sexual sin?
With safe people, you can be totally honest. “I’m really hurting today. I’m having trouble just getting out of bed in the mornings. My husband’s unfaithfulness has pierced my heart to the core. Will you help me walk through this?”
With unsafe people you can be totally honest. “I’m really hurting today. There are incredibly painful circumstances in my life that I’m not free to talk about. Thanks for asking why I look so sad. Would you just pray for me?”
The point is this: Walking through despair involves letting yourself feel the pain and being honest about it with others.
I do want to talk a little bit about depression for a moment. We can get stuck in despair, and when that happens, our bodies respond physiologically to the emotional pain we are experiencing. In many cases it then becomes necessary to involve a medical professional in our healing process.
–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One