Journey – Week Thirty-One

Hello, dear sister. I just want to remind you today that you are greatly loved and accepted, that the Father delights in you and is experiencing with you every emotion and hurt in your life right now. You are not alone, and He is working all of this pain into a beautiful tapestry of grace. All of the ugliness will be hidden in His masterpiece, and all of the world will see that everything meant for evil in your life has been used for your good.

The topic of the week is anger. I told you as we studied the grieving process last week that I was going to camp out here for a few days because getting angry — but not stuck — in our grieving is so vital to experiencing healing.

There are many ways people express anger. I’ll list some of the most common here.

Passive Aggressive– I call this under-cover anger. On the outside, you look okay and compliant, but because you don’t feel safe or permitted to express anger openly, your anger presents itself in subtle ways—i.e. “accidentally” burning your husband’s food, being consistently late (especially if it bugs him), saying you will do something and then never following through.

Sarcasm – Speech designed to cut and hurt. This is another way we express anger indirectly.

Verbal Abuse – Name calling, belittling, and saying intentionally cruel things to wound another—i.e. “Can’t you do anything right?” or “You stupid idiot!”

Blaming – Everyone but you is to blame for your problems. Blaming anger says, “You make me so angry!”

Guerrilla Humor – Attacking someone verbally then smiling and saying something like, “Can’t you take a joke?” or “I was only kidding.”

Retaliatory Anger – Acting in a way to get even with someone who has hurt you — i.e. having an affair after your husband has been unfaithful or going out on a shopping spree at your husband’s expense.

Blind Rage – Intense anger that is usually acted on in some physical way—i.e. hitting someone, smashing an object.

Isolation – Anger permeates your heart and clouds your perception. You withdraw from others altogether.

Depression – Anger turned inward. It is blind rage acted out towards yourself.

Anger as an Excuse – Secretly you want to leave or act in a particular way, so you find a way to provoke a fight in order to leave or justify a wrong behavior.

–Melissa Haas, The Journey: Book One