For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Boundaries (When to say YES and when to say NO to take control of your life) by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
What is it about: Christians often focus so much on being loving and giving that they forget their own limitations and neglect to create margins. This book will show you how to set healthy boundaries with your parents, spouses, children, friends, coworkers, and even yourself. Boundaries are personal property lines that define who you are and who you are not, and influence all areas of your life. Drs. Cloud and Townsend show you how to bring new health to your relationships. You’ll discover firsthand how sound boundaries give you the freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individual God created you to be.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we offer our clients this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration. Having boundaries, especially healthy ones, is typically a completely foreign idea to our clients. Learning about how to express yourself to others and set safe, healthy guidelines on your life is a necessity. This book is a life changer!
Favorite idea: “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom; and taking responsibility for my life open up many different options.”
For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Telling Yourself the Truth by William Backus and Marie Chapian. *Winner of the Gold Book Award (500,000 copies sold) and Winner of the Gold Medallion Award (E.C.P.A.), which recognizes excellence in evangelical Christian literature.
This month’s Faces of Hope introduces you to *Charles, a HopeQuest client who is living the miracle of restoration in his own life and the life of his family.
Charles: “I was employed in emergency tree work and injured my back on the job. After being prescribed pain killers during my recovery, I quickly became addicted. I had never had a problem with pain medicine, but I was already an addict: I drank too much and used ‘recreational’ drugs.
What began with me taking prescription pain meds soon became the prescription pain meds taking me.
I entered the HopeQuest program completely broken. I was in a very dark place. But I kept praying and reading the Bible. I began to look at what caused my behavior, why I hated my life, and who it really was that was keeping me from being happy. It was me! I had bought into the enemy’s lies and believed I could not be a good person, father, or husband. At HopeQuest, I began to listen to people who truly cared about me. I chose to believe that Jesus loves me – including all my flaws. I turned my whole heart to God. I began to see real change, and that is when a miracle happened: my wife began to see that I was changing, too. I completed the HopeQuest program and was able to go home to my wife and two boys.
I have been clean for the longest time in my life and was granted another miracle: a third son! I know that Hope Quest not only saved my life, Hope Quest saved my family.”
*Name has been changed to protect privacy
For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Seven Desires by Mark and Debbie Laaser.
What is it about: The authors focus on what they perceive are the 7 great needs of every human being:
1. To be heard and understood
2. To be affirmed
3. To be blessed
4. To be safe
5. To be touched
6. To be chosen
7. To be included
Using examples, Biblical references, and sound psychological principles, the Laasers explain each desire and show how they are sought and what it feels like to have those desires truly fulfilled. Also the authors show healthy ways to embody these desires in your relationships. This book gives the tools needed to start repairing and rebuilding relationships and developing new skills for creating emotional and spiritual intimacy.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we offer this book to our clients, whether or not they are in a marital relationship. The concepts apply to everyone’s heart, because God created us with these desires! His design is to show us how to be fulfilled in him first, then to give and receive from others.
Favorite idea: “God loves you, and he calls you into relationship with him. He has put the seven desires in your heart to show you how to have that relationship. As Psalm 37:4 puts it, ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.’ When you know this, you can find healthy ways to get your desires met, and you can serve the desires of others.”
For this month’s resource recommendation, I read Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain by Paul Hegstrom.
What is it about: Paul Hegstorm authors this book with honesty. He openly shares in the first chapter about some of the brokenness in his childhood and how that affected many areas of his life, continuing into adulthood. Using personal examples, psychological studies, and biblical principles, he shares practical and proven methods for facing and dealing with the pain of the past. There is healing, when we are finally free to pursue authentic relationships and build healthy emotional intimacy with others. The book goes chapter by chapter, addressing stages of life and how to make healthy decisions, despite what may have happened in the past.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we ask the clients to read this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration. Many times the root of an addiction comes from some kind of brokenness in childhood. Despair, emotional isolation, abuse, neglect, and self-loathing are just some of the damaging fragments that remain embedded within our souls when we are broken as children. The memory of the past may seem distant and clouded, but scars remain that continue to inflict pain upon our adult lives-and often end up spilling into the lives of others. This book is often the first step in healing the past for our clients.
Favorite idea: “When we begin to uncover the truth about ourselves, we can start asking real questions about what we need in our lives. We can learn to talk about what we want and need. Everyone communicates differently, and each of us will discover the right method of expressing our needs to those we love. We must take courageous steps to share what’s in our hearts and minds. This is the beginning of the journey to wholeness.”
We asked our staff members their opinions on what sets HopeQuest apart from other recovery facilities and here are some of their answers.
“I think that what makes us unique is our integrative approach to counseling. Many of us have professional degrees in theology and counseling, so we are able to offer true Biblical/spiritual guidance, as well as clinical and psychological support.”
“Most programs are either Christ focused OR clinically focused. HopeQuest is unique in that we are both Christ centered (without being legalistic) and clinically effective. Most programs tend to focus on behavior modification while we focus not on behavior but on getting to the “root” of what is driving the behavior. We also do extensive psychological assessments that are used to tailor each client’s therapy to the individual; it’s not a “one size fits all” program.”
“The fusion of Christ in what we do. I think it makes HopeQuest so unique compared to any program at a church or a clinical recovery center. That’s where the hope comes from – the reality of the resurrection. That’s how we can tell someone who’s life is in shambles ‘Trust us, there is hope.’”
“HopeQuest is unique in its offering of grace and acceptance of where you are at. They meet you where you are at without feelings of shame or judgement.”
“HopeQuest is truly a distinctive ministry that blends God’s personal healing and forgiveness with very sound clinical and therapeutic processes that helps clients understand how their past life events have played a part of their choosing an addiction as the way what to cover up the pain of those events.”
What we do at HopeQuest changes lives, in turn changing families. Be a part of the change! Donate today!
HopeQuest offers Journey, a support group for women whose spouses struggle with sexual brokenness. Each year the Journey support group offers a spiritual retreat for its members. This story that I am about to share with you happened at one of these retreats.
I have friends I call “The Fellowship of the Broken.” These ladies have all experienced pain, heartache, and grief in their lives. This adversity has done it’s work and yielded women who are authentic and open and thirsty for God.
I have watched the Father save those who are crushed in spirit. I have seen women who had isolated themselves take the risk of opening up to others. I have seen women trade their ashes for beauty. I have seen miracles. It is amazing and beautiful every single time.
This is the beginning of one of those stories.
Holly* spills over with energy, a full- throttle kind of girl. If she is ever slows down to walk, rather than run, she walks fast. She has fire and passion. I say she was the inspiration behind the Nike slogan, “Just Do It”.
At this time in her life, Holly is enduring intense emotions over the betrayal she has experienced in her marriage. She is up, down, hopeful, discouraged, angry, frustrated, tender and forgiving. Life is a roller coaster right now.
During our Journey retreat, after a powerful lesson on how our souls relate to God, our speaker instructed us to decorate our own small, plain wooden box. We were given a box and art supplies to help us create a box that would represent who we are, body and soul. Holly, whose strong suit is not arts and crafts, was trying her best to make her box as she had been encouraged to do.
Unfortunately, there was an accident when Holly mistook the white paint for the mod-podge. For all you non-crafters out there, this means that instead of gluing on her designs and making them look shiny like a coat of mod-podge would do, she completely covered her work with white paint.
Her box was ruined.
Discouraged, Holly tossed the ruined box aside as garbage and got another plain box. There wasn’t time to start over, so Holly simply slapped some stickers onto the new box and called it done.
Someone, who had watched Holly toss her first box in the trash, rescued it. This woman redesigned, repainted, and remade the box into an amazing work of art. And as a finishing touch she painted this verse across the front: He Makes All Things New.
I wasn’t aware that any of this had happened. So when I saw the beautifully decorated box she was holding during worship, I said, “I think you are lying about not being very good at this crafty stuff! Your box is beautiful.”
That’s when I saw that she was crying. And with tears rolling down her cheeks, Holly told me that someone had redeemed her solid white mess up from the trash heap, and produced this lovely new creation she now held.
Immediately my own tears started flowing, as well. I was so overwhelmed by God’s tender mercies and care for my friend. He had seen her struggle. He had seen her pain. He had seen her need. And He had called on one of the members of the body to give a gift of hope.
That anonymous woman was obedient to the call. She used her gift of compassion to bless Holly. Little did she know that her simple act of repairing the rejected box would become known to every lady at the retreat and that small act would resonate deeply within our souls.
As Holly shared the story with the group, we all could sense that God was speaking to our hearts as women. He was proclaiming His love and tender care for each one of us.
Our own lives had looked like they belonged on the trash heap. Broken, messed up, imperfect. But what we viewed as rubbish was still valued by the Father. He didn’t turn His back to us. Rather, He lovingly looked down and rescued what seemed ruined and beyond repair.
And now we are God’s treasure. We are learning to cling tightly to Him, come what may. He is making us new.
*names have been changed to protect confidentiality.
For this month’s resource recommendation, I read The Addictive Personality by Craig Nakken.
What is it about: This book helps people understand the process of addiction. Author Craig Nakken goes beyond the more common dependencies (alcohol, drugs, sex) and uncovers the common denominator of all addiction and describes how the process is progressive.
Nakken sheds new light on:
The author examines how addictions start, how society pushes people toward addiction, and what happens inside those who become addicted.
Why did I read it: At HopeQuest, we require clients to read this book as a part of their journey to healing and restoration. It helps those struggling with addiction understand more of the root of the problem, instead of just the side effects. This book will help anyone seeking a better understanding of the addictive process and its impact on our lives.
Favorite idea: Recovery is not just about breaking off your relationship with an object or event, though vital to the process. Recovery is primarily about coming to know your addictive personality and taking the necessary steps to rid yourself of addictive attitudes, beliefs, values and behaviors. Nakken’s example – “People in a recovery program for alcohol addiction need to clearly understand that they are prone to form a possible addictive relationship with another object or event – such as food for example. For these people, sobriety acquires a new dimension; instead of only monitoring their relationship with alcohol, they also need to learn how to monitor the addictive part of themselves.”